Sunday, September 12, 2010

Breaking up and defriending friends is hard

Have you tried to sever a friendship with a porcupine?

Me neither.

Ending a friendship takes on many forms: an ugly confrontation, or a polite, “I don’t think this is working out”, or just simply cutting ties with them by not returning their phone calls or responding to their e-mails.

Friendship breakups are a tricky topic. No matter which side you were on, the dumper or the dumpee – they’re fraught guilt and betrayal. Questions such as “What did I do wrong?” infest your mind. It’s quite obvious what they did was wrong – whether they betrayed you or taking credit of your work. Ending a friendship seems harsh. Until recently, there was a time I felt guilty ending a friendship. Let alone defriending an actual, real-life friend on Facebook.

Sure, drifting apart does happen. Instead of talking once a day, it may be once every three months. But the friendship contract in theory, is never-ending.

But actually defriending an actual, real-life friend on Facebook is much more difficult. They might not initially know you’ve defriended. It just appears as a blip on their friend tally. Telling a mate that you don’t like them anymore – just makes you want to drink more vodka. There’s no easy way out. No cliché phrases such as “It’s not me, it’s you” will cut it. With friendship breakups, it’s you. You can’t talk to someone who brings poison to your life. Nor you can be friends with someone who only takes advantage of your good nature.

However, there’s one easy way to tell if you’re doing the right thing. And that’s how you feel. When the person is out of your life, it feels like you can finally breathe for the first time in months. There’s a peaceful calm that comes when severing ties with the person. And GUESS WHAT? You no longer have your mind infested with negative thoughts such as, “Does this person actually like me or not?” because you’re too busy investing into friendships that truly make you happy. It feels easy and you wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.

You feel so stupid when you should've done it sooner even when Toby the dog knows the friendship is over.

Have you had to break up a friend because it was no longer working out? Or defriended someone on Facebook? It'll be great to know I'm not the only one.

Happy reading,


Siobhan Hanlin said...

I have broken up with several friends who have (in my opinion) crossed a fundamental line. When I was younger I'd have a lot of guilt about it, but now I view it as a sometimes necessary part of life. Maybe it indcates growing ruthlessness on my part (eeep!) but it doesn't upset me. I think we put up with bad behaviour from friend that we wouldn't tolerate from a lover and i try not to allow that double standard.

Death Wears Diamond Jewellery said...

oooh its sooo hard to break up with a friend! ive had a few good friends turn toxic and i simply had to say goodbye. i still think of them and its weird to notice how my feelings towards them change over the years. what once was hurt and anger is now nothing. perhaps pity.

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