Monday, May 3, 2010
I apologise for my absence during the month of April, this includes my friends, family and my great online readers. This year has been excruciating for me. For a long time, I've always put other people's needs before myself.
I didn't express my opinions about anything. Even simple things like "I don't want anchovies on my pizza" just because it was easier to go along with people, then getting a backlash due to my answer.
If there were tasks which had unrealistic deadlines, I'd complete the task straight away rather than telling my supervisor I couldn't handle the work load. I'd rather have duties piled on me than to admit I can no longer cope with the demands set on me.
I'd give up on my weekends to work, rather than admit I need a break - just because I was taught to think about others before yourself. At one stage, I had this idea that I could create more time. It's relentless. There never seems to be enough hours in a day. I wish there were eight days in a week. As a child, I wondered how there were never enough hours in a day and secretly wish I could extend time, just so I could complete tasks set out for me.
Then one day, I gave up being nice girl. Working and studying seven days a week took a toll on my health. I looked myself at the mirror, staring back at me was an image of a girl with red eyes, sunken cheeks and my usual sunny disposition was no where to be seen. I couldn't even pull myself to write or buy milk. I didn't have the energy to log onto my blog and type.
By neglecting this blog, I neglected myself. Attending to other people's needs before my own was something I was taught to do as a child. No one ever told me that it was fine to think about yourself once in a while. In fact, I was taught it was selfish to do so.
So from today, I'm slowly learning that it's fine that you can't complete the 1001 tasks set out by your supervisor. That it's fine to be vulnerable and ask for help support from your friends and family when I need it. And most of all, I learnt that it's not selfish to think for yourself every now and again.
Posted by Five Foot Nothing at 10:18 PM